Dawn's Men

I'm tired.

Hello tired! I'm...too tired for dad-jokes.

At 32 weeks pregnant I am starting to find it very difficult to keep up with this beautiful blue eyed boy, especially now that nap time seems to be a thing of the past (not fair - I need naps more than he does now)!

Being an adventurous toddler, Robin has no self-preservation skills and gives me 10,000 heart attacks per day. Sometimes we don't even leave the house when it's just the two of us because I know the stress caused by doing so won't be worth it. He won't hold my hand for more than a minute before something catches his attention and he runs off, and being heavily pregnant I just can't keep up with him. I feel like a terrible parent 99% of the time. I'm trying my best but my best never feels good enough and I second guess myself constantly. 

In which I return...

Yes, that's right. I am officially blowing off the cobwebs and FINALLY updating this blog! Try not to die of shock. I didn't know I was capable of breaking up my long-term relationship with extreme procrastination.

I may as well get right to the meat of it - I am pregnant with boy number 2! It's official. I'm outnumbered. Let the battle for keeping the toilet seat down begin. In this entry I'll try and catch you all up with what has been going on over the last year and a bit, as well as sharing my recent maternity shoot photos.

Needless to say, Robin is obviously no longer a baby. He's a walking, talking and extremely naughty almost THREE year old. Look! He's so grown up now.

Now You are One

Meaning of the name Robin: Famed, bright; shining.

My beautiful little bird turned 1 on the 29th of August. For his father and I, it was a bittersweet day. Truly, it is  a wonder to see that he has grown so strong and confident  under our tireless care, but there is also disbelief in just how fleeting a year can really be. It is milestones like this that give me a renewed appreciation for photography - the power to pause time, to me, is my most cherished ability of all. I have a terrible memory and photography allows me  to freeze moments and look back upon them with perfect clarity. It is a magic power I will never willingly give up.

These sweet moments with this adored child are mine forever, and will be unmarked and unchanged with the passage of time.

 A year! I still cannot believe it. It only seems like yesterday he was just turning 1 week old.

Sarah in the Gardens

If you had told me last year that I would one day discover a people-craving extrovert within myself I would have laughed in your face. No...wait. That's a lie. I would have been far too shy to do that. I certainly would never have imagined I would be meeting and spending time with strangers on a semi-regular basis.

How glad I am that the walls I once surrounded myself with are crumbling. How freeing it is not to feel as if there are a million judgmental eyes always fixed in my direction. I can't tell you where this new confidence came from and neither can I pinpoint the exact moment it burst into existence, but as I mentioned in Here Ends Dinosaur I am forever grateful that it found me. So many new possibilities have come my way and I have met such wonderful people as a result.

Once of those people is Sarah of The Salty Sea Blog. You can read her journal entry about our day together here. She takes gorgeous photos and has an absolutely magical way with words. Not to mention, it is always rather fun to read two different accounts of the same event!

I would also like to apologise for the delay with this post - I want to make regular entries but I am finding it difficult juggling work and family life...but balance will come in time, I'm sure.

Here Ends Dinosaur

On the 22nd of this month I turned 26. Not a notable age. Certainly not any kind of milestone, but recently I felt a change come over me. It is subtle, but it is there and I have welcomed it. Perhaps this small change has nothing at all to do with the passing of years but however it came about I am glad to have it. I feel a little braver...more sure of myself and for the first time ever I am experiencing the dizzying sensation of true confidence.

I think a lot of it comes down to having a young child. When Robin was born I knew immediately that I did not want him to pick up on and possibly adopt my insecurities - it just wouldn't be fair. But that tired old mantra of 'fake it until you make it' had never worked for me. How do you go about faking something you have absolutely no understanding or knowledge of whatsoever? Subtle social cues and body language always befuddled me and any attempts to mimic them always fell flat. I felt so disconnected.

Eventually, the fear of other people left me. It took time. The need to constantly please vanished. Eye contact no longer felt quite so jarring (although to this day it suggests a level of intimacy to me that I'm not always comfortable with). One day, I'll talk about it in detail - but that will be a separate post.

Now, I was originally talking about small changes and bravery. With bravery comes exploration!